Neurotic Naming *UPDATED*

June 2012

As a writer I find it completely natural to over analyze the baby-naming process.

I mean my baby’s name has to be brilliant right? It has to be meaningful! 


As a result of such self-imposed parameters, I’ve reached the point of total neurosis. It doesn’t help that people are asinine with their comments either.

Note to self: Don’t tell anyone what you’re thinking of naming your baby. Some asshole will ruin it for you.

I had one friend text me five times begging me not to go with one of the names I’d picked. I hadn’t even told her the name yet, a mutual friend told her. She failed to mention to her that it was a family name too. 

Think before you speak people. Seriously!

As if it’s not difficult enough to find the most brilliant, meaningful, perfect name on the planet!

Really the only person’s opinion that matters is my baby girl’s. She’s the one who’s stuck with it for the rest of her life. It’s a shame I can’t ask her, but that’s why I’ve decided to blog about it. Perhaps she’ll read it one day.

So here we go.

After many sleepless nights and unwarranted tears due to the extreme oversensitive nature of my condition, I believe I’ve finally found a winner.

To me, being grateful for family is important. Heritage is something I wanted to honor in this process and I made up my mind to devote her middle name to it.

I started with my Daddy’s mama (Juanita) and my Mama’s daddy (Harold). I can’t do much with Harold. BUT his middle name was Lewis. So I combined Lewis and Juanita and made up Lunita.

I think it’s a beautiful name, but it does have an exotic ring to it. So I checked it out across all the major languages to be sure it didn’t mean something awful. To my delight, I discovered it means “little moon” in Spanish and L’unita in Italian which means “unite.”

Some people say they like Luna too, but people name their cats Luna.

For her first name I wanted something tough.

That being said, I’ve always thought girls who had boys’ names seemed more resilient and independent – much more likely to make waves, stand up for themselves and make a difference. I’ve gotten some flack about giving a girl a boy’s name  but I think it builds character.

This is how I came up with her first name.

My father is a junior, his father was William Rooker Turner Sr. But because Daddy has two sisters, three daughters and not much chance of carrying on the family name, it ended with him.

Then it hit me.

I’ll name her Billie!

Technically that would be for my dad’s father though. As a rule I’m not using names of anyone among the living otherwise she’d have 100 names.

For starters her name would be Billie Becca Barbara Beth Theresa Lunita Turner after all my amazing mothers 🙂

So there it is.

Billie Lunita Turner

Look how tough she is! She’s already giving me a fist bump!

I’m fiddna get born up in here!

And YES I’m aware her initials will be BLT. I think that’s awesome. How much bullying can you get for having the initials of something so yummy? Get over it folks.

I’ve been calling her Billie Lou for a few weeks and I can’t stop. It’s super southern but I just love the way it sounds. 

It’s a name for fame.

What an amazing stage name for a blues or jazz singer or maybe even a social activist or Pulitzer Prize winner. Yes we have high hopes for this kid.

Plus it yells well.


Yes I believe Billie Lunita Turner has passed all my tests.

Of course, being neurotic I have a backup first name. It’s Karli. Still, it just doesn’t seem quite memorable or tough enough.

Billie Lou led refugees through the swamps to ultimate freedom from persecution! Karli was probably a long distance correspondent (more like me).

Nothing wrong that, but we’re shooting for better than me. We’re shooting for the moon (even if it’s just a little one).

Suffice to say a LOT of thought went into her name so I really hope she likes it. I hope family and friends like it too and if not I hope they have the grace to lie.


July 2012

Sounds like the end of an Unsolved Mysteries…well I guess it sort of still is an unsolved mystery. So I had this vivid dream of a name. Ever since, I can’t shake it.


It’s beautiful.

And it’s 180 degrees different from Billie Lou.

After much stress and thought I’m dropping Lunita. I liked it, but there seemed to require entirely too much explanation when I would say it. I realized, do I really want to give a dissertation every time I say my daughter’s name?

I still love Billie though. Plus I’ve been calling her that for over a month now. Billie is so tough. I like tough.

But what if she goes through an awkward phase in the 2nd grade like I did. Where my mother cut my bangs too short, my front tooth was missing and I still had not-so-cute baby fat. At least I had a beautiful name. Katrina. I imagine having a boy’s name at that time might not be so fun.

I want her to build character but I don’t want to traumatize the poor kid.

On the flip side. Avalea is a beautiful name. I have yet to say it to anyone who didn’t love it. You really can’t make fun of it either, and if you do it’s a stretch, so quit trying.

Still. It’s not my little Billie.

So for this moment it’s Billie Avalea Turner. If she hates her tough name she has a pretty one she can go by. Don’t we all go through a phase where we hate our name at some point?

I know I thought I had put the name issue to bed weeks ago, but hey, I’m six months pregnant, my boobs are the size of basketballs, I cried watching Ted and I’m fighting losing a battle with Breyer’s Cookies N Cream ice cream.

It’s possible this isn’t the last we’ve seen of neurotic naming…

****UPDATE**********UPDATE**********UPDATE**********UPDATE***** And September 2012 the saga continues…

I’ve decided that I want Avalea to be her first name. At least she’ll have a sporting chance during roll call if they call the pretty name first. No one will be looking around for a boy.

BUT the new conundrum. Avalea Billie Turner isn’t as smooth as Billie Avalea Turner. 

Matter of fact nothing more than one syllable really sounds right after Avalea. Loved Billie but have now grown used to calling her Avalea. 

A good friend of mine and I discussed the possibility of just leaving it B. Could be fun for her later in life.

Nosey Person: What’s your middle name?

Avalea: It’s B.

Nosey Person: What does it stand for?

Avalea: It stands for Bad Mothe—-
you get the idea.

She still retains total toughness without sacrificing her gender. Quentin Tarantino would be proud (and she does kick like a little ninja).

5 thoughts on “Neurotic Naming *UPDATED*

  1. Fabulous, Fabulous, Fabulous!!!!!
    Congratulations! What a super sweet name and a incredibly entertaining story. Billie Lou you’ve got one awesome Mama! I cannot wait to meet you! I’m feeling jazz/blues singer for sure 🙂

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