So I stalked this guy on Facebook

I stalked this guy on Facebook who I think is Bradley Cooper and I sent him a message. This is a true story, but the names are changed to protect the innocent and/or (possibly) famous.


My name is Katrina Turner, and we don’t know each other. I swear I’m not a Facebook stalker but I needed to settle a debate only you can answer.

The debate is family-tree oriented. My boyfriend (yes I’m 33 and we’re “going steady” f off) anyway his name is Abraham Lincoln as is his father and his father’s father. His mother is Mrs. Lincoln whose sister is Jackie Kennedy. Now here’s where it gets fuzzy. I THINK her brother-in-law’s sister is your mother.

Now, if my sister marries a man whose sister is the mother of (we’ll call him Will) then that makes him my cousin by marriage correct? So by that rational if I had a son he’d be your second cousin (by marriage). This is where it gets dangerously close to math and my narcolepsy kicks in.

Anyway, obviously there would be zero relation to the son’s girlfriend; however, the son’s girlfriend would be extremely grateful if said alleged second cousin by marriage would be willing to send two autographed photos to her baby sisters (18 and 15) whose names are Lemonjello and Oranjello. I would be the coolest big sister on the planet. I’m already pretty sure I’m the coolest in this hemisphere, but I think that would give me global status.

They live with my parents at 123 Main Street, City, ST 54321. They’re the closest to me having kids so far (besides my dog and he chewed up my Robert Plant autograph so I know what I’m NOT getting him this year).

Thanks for reading,
Katrina (a.k.a. natural disaster)

P.S. I just watched Hangover II tonight and I laughed so hard I think I might have burst a blood vessel in my cornea (are there blood vessels there?)

P.P.S. If they got it by Christmas I might even be able to claim universe status, but of course I’d be more than happy with global (for now).

2 thoughts on “So I stalked this guy on Facebook

  1. I think you have Dewey dress up in Bradley Cooper-lookalike garb and take a pic of him. Do a little photo retouching and $5 for a Walgreen’s 8×10 glossy and make a big swooping ‘BC’ with a Sharpie and you’re good. Who would really know?

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