Note to Self

So I’m in the ER with my grandma (don’t worry she’s fine), and like most ER visits, there was a whole lot of waiting around.

During our stint in the temp room we had a revolving door of personnel, one being a very cute guy. I was walking down the hall and he says “Hey, what are you doing later? My shift ends at ten.”

Seriously? I plan on drugging my grandma and stealing the remote before I have to endure one more episode of Pawn Stars and maybe later I’ll bribe the RN to bring me a chocolate milk…but leave your number, plans could change.

I got back to grandma’s room and told her the scoop, which of course, tickled her to pieces – (single, 33 years old, no kids, you do the math).

As if on cue, “said” man pops his head in and hands me a card.

Freddie. Xxx-xxx-xxxx. Call any time. AM or PM

As you know, there is precious little to do in a hospital at 10pm, and we were there for hours. You’re not supposed to make calls, so what’s a girl to do?

Text.

“Hi Freddie. At this rate I’ll probably be here later than you. It’s Katrina by the way. Room 11 just in case you make a habit of picking up chicks in the ER.”

He texts me back, “I honestly never have, but you looked hot.”

No matter, I’m probably the bigger asshole for getting his number while my grandma is in the ER. So then he asks, “What do you do for fun?”

“I troll ERs looking for single men. That’s not even my grandmother, I have no idea who this woman is. What do YOU do for fun?”

He says, “I love shooting. I’m a marine.”

Hmm , uncharted territory here. I’ll go with it.  “Fantastic! I have a 38 snub and a 9mm, but I’m thinking of selling the 38, never cared much for the little guy.”

Meanwhile I’m giving grandma the blow-by-blow and she wants to know how old he is (she seemed to think I was robbing the cradle, I told her hush up she’s just jealous).

So, Freddie asked me what my last name is, and I said “Turner, but if you stalk me I will shoot on sight. Quid pro quo, how old are you?”

“35, what’s quid pro quo?”

Then he sent a picture of himself in his fatigues.

This is getting better and better. So let’s take inventory.

• He hit on me in the ER with my grandmother.
• His favorite pastime is shooting.
• He’s a marine who felt compelled to send visual proof
• AND he has an extremely limited vocabulary.

I’m fairly certain he’s a conservative republican or at the very least, obediently obtuse.

This is what I get for giving my phone number to a stranger. Hopefully he’ll have to report for duty before the six-day rule expires.